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That is the single worst, single, bloody idea ever. ) [Discovers the cartoon has disappeared from Sophie's desk] (It's gone! Your hair isn't red, people don't walk around on stilts. Just keep clear of her till you've worked out a - I could say Jeremy had a gun and made me sing it ... Maybe you could be a crackbitch and sit on my -)Mark: (I'll be able to order him around. )Jez: Eh, I've done quite a lot actually, I mean not formal filing, but you know, alphabetabecising the videos, doing the spices, I suppose what I'd want to do is build on that experience in a professional... (God, that sounded amazing, don't accidentally get the bugger! Yeah, so my new idea is urine.) [urinates into drawer] (Loads and loads of urine, flooding your drawers. ) [phone rings, Mark answers] JLB Credit, fuck off please! I'm just surprised you can see me from all the way up there in your ivory tower. Why do we even pretend that there's anything other than a yawning blankness at the heart of... Oh, you're not here.) [opens desk drawer] (Well, I'll just leave my new idea in your desk, give you time to think about it. ) [urinates on a folder on the floor] (Yeah, you're getting some too! Heal and grow.) Well, I guess it's very nice for the big lady to come down here and talk to the little man. Enya before, but that now I really really was into Enya and that in fact I thought Enya was great and that Enya died for our sins and I wanted an Enya themed funeral with pictures of Enya and lots and lots of mentions of... Then I think it would be a bit bloody rich for my sister to ban all mention of Enya from my funeral! Mark: (Hey Barbara, thought we should have a follow up meeting re: the phones thing... went and I just wanted to say that, um, I think we should all remember that Ray, by the end... Now I know, Liz, there's no proof for Jesus, but then there's no proof for lots of things like science or the stock market and... Look, what I'm trying to say is that if I was dying and I decided that even though I'd never particularly been into say, uh... This is what men want and we shouldn't be allowed to have it because it's horrible and it make you feel sick! How grimly predictable.)Jez: (This is almost definitely a terrible idea, but I won't know for certain until I've actually done it...[Jez and Sophie kiss]... That's probably the stupidest thing I've ever done in my entire life... Maybe actually screwing each other will kind of make it weirdly better.)Mark: (Why are they being so nice? Maybe I wouldn't have said it if I thought there was any chance of him actually doing it... yep, there he goes.)Mark: (I've really done it this time.

I mean, no one minds if the invisible man comes to dinner. Mark: [entering the office] (Walking into the jaws of death. Maybe I could put on Big Bond Themes and pretend I'm entering data for MI6.)Mark: (Come on, Mark, turn it on! ) Oh, er, naughty, you've combined metric and imperial, you might get an interdenominational...er, you know, from mixing the two measurement systems, a hangover of that kind (Just stay mute, Mark. Remain in your compound.)Mark: (Need time to think. I guess the only good thing is that my life is so boring it feels like it might go on forever. It’s only the miracle of consumer capitalism that means you’re not lying in your own shit, dying at 43 with rotten teeth. Mark: She's not out of Hollyoaks, Jeremy, she probably had a ration book! I'm down the pub putting the hours in with the dad, and you're back at the house banging the mum! Mark: (Oh God, the first fiancé challenge and I've got a gun. It's OK, it's perfectly normal, this is the country. They go around shooting crows, and trespassers, and eventually, because of the EU, themselves.)Johnson: Tonight should be a free-fire idea zone. Legs like two great steam locomotives, pumping away, I'm unstoppable - JESUS, is that a stitch? Oh, I think I'm gonna puke, I'm literally going to die, ugh, what an idiotic boob I was back ten or eleven seconds ago.)Mark: (How did my house become a rave? They'll never leave and eventually they'll brick me up in my room and ownership will pass to them because a high court judge will rule me to be officially not living life to the max.)Mark: While we’re at it, there are systems for a reason in this world. It’s not all a conspiracy to keep you in little boxes, alright?

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